New Years

Happy New year folks... Mom hasn't eaten anything since Sunday afternoon. She has been pretty quiet and unresponsive, except to comment something to me while trying to give her the morning meds. I've heard in some cases that they can go a week without eating, and still live on. An hour and a half and her "goals" will be completed. I sound like a broken record, but Come Lord Jesus, Come!

Merry Christmas... a little late

This is a little late, but Merry Christmas to our friends and family.

Our family Christmas tradition is to have grandma (mom's mom) and mom's sister over on Christmas Eve. Usually there is a dinner of some sort with a theme and then the ever so famous family pictures around the tree and sometimes a "hunt" for baby Jesus to see who goes first opening gifts and/OR a reading of the Christmas story in Luke.
This year we decided to go with "easy" for the food theme and kept it to app's and desserts. The gifting was all about the kids this year, and it was fun to watch all of their eyes light up with joy and excitement.
I really don't know what to update, all she does now pretty much is sleep. She wakes occasionally to eat, to ask for a warm washcloth over her eyes, and occasional change of shirt, etc. She is still in minimal physical pain... so we wait.
Although we made sweet memories for the kids this Christmas, it was the hardest Christmas of our lives. I know mom wanted to be here for it, and although she was "here"... she wasn't. I'm just going to be honest and say I'm angry, I wish she could've been "home" with Jesus for Christmas. I just don't get it and there's nothing anyone can say to justify it, we'll never know until we're in heaven with her as well. Come Lord Jesus... Come and take her home...

Changing meds

Okay... another update, a little less worn this time . Thank you all for your grace in my frantic post the other day. Things have definitely calmed since my post on Thursday. On Friday the hospice nurse came and we decided to change some meds around. Decreasing one and upping doses of another to keep her comfortable as the process continues. She continues to be fairly pain free, atleast when we're not moving her around and changing the bed, etc. That is very exhausting for her these days, when she is not sleeping. The pain she does have is emotional, she just wants to go home to Jesus and doesn't know why she's still here. There is a sense of peacefulness, yet a very strong desire to "get this show on the road."
If you have still have a desire to come and see her or say your last "goodbyes".. you are still welcome, just give the home phone a call before you come. Just know that she may not be as aware or communicative, and we still run it past her if she wants visitors so we'll let you know if it's not a "good" day.
Last night I was reading her "Christmas/Happy New Year(as it was last year)" letter. I will end this update with her words that closed her letter, as they were very poignant. (you might want to grab a tissue)
"I'm not sure what 2013 will bring, but one thing we do know, the God who knows us better than we know ourselves, keeps His promises. He is faithful...He is worthy of our trust and adoration. ...even in the darkest of times. He will meet you where ever you are in the journey.. "

When we are weak, He is strong

Mom hasn't moved from her bed (besides to do "business") since Sunday. Her ability to lift herself has continued to worsen yet she is stubborn about certain things and we are getting to the point where we can't move her ourselves anymore.
My cold has only just gotten worse and Karen has been there for two overnights now. We are wearing thin, I don't want to be selfish and complain here, but prayers for colds to go away and moms stubbornness to break are really needed.
Lord, in our weaknesses, please make us strong, because we are getting to our end!

better overnight...

Last night was another rough night as my sister was up with her a majority of the night. She couldn't seem to get comfortable and though my sister was feeding her every 10-15-30mins, she would tell her "you're starving me" Prayers for my sister to have a well rested night of sleep at home would be greatly appreciated!

Earlier this evening mom was talking to my dad about Heaven... that she was in heaven. I forget the details of what she said to him and she even talked some to me about it(although i barely understood what she was trying to say), but basically it was kind of a helpful thing for her it seemed. My dad thought maybe God gave her a vision so she could come to a place of peace about it. Later about the time I was able to leave, she was still asking why it was taking so long, and describing to her friend (who is taking on a night shift tonight) that there's a long line.
When her friend, Char, asked who was in line or if she knew anyone, she said "There are movie stars in line" that made me chuckle, that's for sure.

rough sleep at night

The last couple of nights have been rough, dad was with her sunday-monday, Karen was with her last night and I have a shift tonight. She was waking up every half hour or so with delusions/requests statements last night. Yesterday and today have been much different than the days before, less and less alertness while "awake"... we've started feeding her soft foods, as she still is hungry. As I write this my grandma is feeding her pudding, encouraging her and vice versa even. It is sweet in a bittersweet kind of way... not something you ever imagine seeing.

Sleeping more

For the last couple days now mom has been sleeping a large portion of the day. She keeps wanting to hold out for the next month, but we have been trying to tell her that it's okay, that she can let go. I haven't done the night shift since I posted the other day, so I'm not sure how the nights have been. (forgot to ask because there's always a million things to think about, ya know?) This is another short post... but I do believe the her days are growing shorter.

Saying goodbye to Rose

This morning our dear friend Rose goes back to her home in North Carolina. We will miss her presence and are so grateful to her for serving our family so well.

Mom has often been quite fearful at night before going to sleep. She doesn't want to fall asleep because she worries she will be alone when she dies. Myself, dad and Karen have all told her that when she is ready, she can go. Pray at night that she will be more at peace.